Why I Need The Kids to Say "Thank You"
I play a little game with the kids during meal time. When I give them their plates full of food, I wait about 30 seconds for them to say "thank you." If that doesn't happen, I start saying a string of compliments that sound like this...
- Wow Mom! What a great breakfast!
- Great flip! This omelet is perfect Mom!
- How clever of you to make a face with my food!
- I've never had such a tasty lunch!
- No one makes an egg salad better than YOU Mom!
- You're the greatest cook on the planet!!
- Dinner couldn't be any better Mom!
There is no subtlety as I fish for praise; instead, I pester them mercilessly by putting words in their mouths. I speak in all exclamation points and I hammer through the compliments tirelessly. They know the drill and start saying "thank you" as soon as I start into the list. I don't let them off the hook easily and make them endure my self praise while they try to get a "thank you" into the conversation.
Usually, but not always, they do better the next meal.
We work diligently to make sure our kids express a sense of gratitude not just because they need to show respect and good manners, but because the person serving them deserves the affirmation. I hate admitting that I need the acknowledgement of short people, but I do. Nothing makes me feel burned out more quickly than working hard around the house and having my efforts ignored.
In contrast, when they DO remember to say thanks, I am energized to work harder and enjoy serving more.
The oddest thing about the "would you thank me already" game is how strange it feels to ASK for praise. When it comes to desiring affirmation, most of us take the passive-aggressive approach. We don't seek feedback, and we certainly don't ask for compliments. That's something that's just not "done" between grown ups. Instead, we just expect the praise to flow naturally because otherwise it feels insincere.
However, if you spend much time with children, you realize that they have to be taught almost everything. (Like washing their hands, covering their mouths when they cough, and NOT picking their nose in public!) So I am not surprised that I have to teach them to remember to give compliments. In the process, I hope they will also learn that it's OK to ask for praise too.
Do you ever ask for praise?
There's a great TED talk on this topic; if you have three minutes, check it out:
And thanks for reading along!